This is how your dog massages the cat!
Hope he don't fart!!
This is much better than that dog!!
Just Joking around...
You might be a massage therapist if:
1.You go to Walmart 5 or more times a week for baby oil or lotion.
2.When someone is trying to talk but you here"hm fmmm hahm" because they are face down.
3.When you find the person at the opposite end of the table because you have the knee pillow there.
4.You actually find yourself humming to the music over and over.
5.Your laptop starts skipping the music..or maybe its in my head..
6.All your friends and family starts sticking their feet or some limb on to your lap expecting you to work and watch tv.
7.When you deside after the third person thats a full day.
8.You decide its not worth going anywhere because soon everyone will know your the Therapist.
9.When the person on the table is hopelessly covered in lotion or oil.
10. When everyone you know seems to complain alot.
11.When your table makes a "fart" noise and you have to exuse it.
12.They start talking about things and you say "so does that hurt"
13.You realize that certain body parts are no longer there.
14.When someone falls asleep and you are unaware till you hit a nerve.
15.You find your self repeating "I like being a pain in ur ass" as your pushing in deep on their buttocks.
16.When you have to try to describe the differences in Massages 30x a day and you forget to say " its not sexual"
17. When every other guy that calls you, asks if your naked.
18. If your finding that everyone on your table has no idea what your doing anyway or they try to describe what muscle it is.
19.When you get a phone call from some one, then ask who it is and they say "Steve, Jim, John and every other name you have 10 of."
20.The email you received or phone call they say "I'm the one with the bad knee or shoulder" and you just write their name down hoping you will remember!
21.You seem to know more about someone on your table then you do your own friends.
22.Finding the same bothering muscle in everyone.
23.You realize that you hear the same remarks again and again.
24.Updating your website constantly or advertising everyday because you find many things a massage can do.
25.The heat in the room doesn't bother you any more.
26. You repeat yourself over and over.
27.Get phone calls in the middle of the night or a weekend and the person on the other end sais " are you still working" Are you serious! I am not a call girl.
28.You keep redoing your website over and making words bigger because your constantly asked the questions when the answers right here.
29.You get a text message saying "are you available" huh?
30.You become every ones best friend.
31. Start to know every Walmart Employee in the lotion section by first name.
32. Getting better at just saying "Your fine" when the person on the table thought they done something offensive.
33.Avoiding those weird noises as they seem to be often.
34.Saying "I apologize" ahead of time for sticking your thumb or and elbow into a muscle that just won't rub out.
35.Figuring out that Yes every one has the same nerves and muscles.
36.Getting a call asking 'can you help' "my back is hurting"
37.If you find yourself still answering your phone by your business after hours or on vacation.
38.Excusing yourself for one day to spend time with you child or children
even if you may need the time out.
39.Feeling offended while watching a movie and they make the Massage therapist into a "bimbo fluzzy".
40.Figuring out that your social life is actually none less than at work.
Word of caution: Outside of ab work, massage is the No. 1 cause of accidental flatulence. At the gym, you can dismiss it with a disapproving glance, but here on the massage table you have no choice but to smile and explain that, where you come from, it's a compliment
At one point, an officious region of my body felt inspired to make a cameo appearance. Where I come from, that is also a compliment, but I respected this woman as a professional and needed to act fast.
Think of Rosie O'Donnell. No, Martha Stewart. No -- GRANDMA!
I'm not sure whether you can be arrested for driving under the influence of massage, but I was in a state where if I happened to veer off the road and die in a fiery blaze, it would have been okay like a candy cane.My car drove home because evidently that's where I lived. I had the gall to draw a bath, which was like mixing hallucinogens. I was one good meal away from wandering through the street giving away my life savings.
The point is that if everyone got massages, we might not have problems like the Middle East. It would become the Snuggly Inner East. People would hold the door for each other and take cell phone calls outside and stay married. Everyone would use their turn signals!
I will continue my research on this important subject, hoping the editors will pick up the tab. And when I run out of funding, you will find me in a gutter face-down for massage, Enya chanting in the background. A passer-by will go to hand me a dollar, but his wife will grab his coat and say, "No, honey -- he'll just use it to get another massage."And I will curse her under my breath as I fall back asleep hugging my creepy little Garfield. NOW THATS FUNNY!
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.
Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?"
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a Massage Therapist and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!"
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?
Client: What's in the massage oil?Massage Therapist: Patchouli and some Rosemary. It smells nice. I tried using holy water once but it burns! It BURNS!
Massage Therapist: Is the pressure okay?Client: How will I know if it's not "okay"?Massage Therapist: If you see dead relatives beckoning you toward a bright light, that would be one clue.